My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
