I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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