this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
