My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
