My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
