i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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