Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
