Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
