I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
