Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
