what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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