the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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