FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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