Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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