He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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