What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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