My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
