If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
