Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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