We won't sleep together?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
