Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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