i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
