i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
