If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've blown a few things in my day
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
