boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
