I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
