Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
they need to just BURY HIM!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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