There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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