He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
