So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
