I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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