Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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