I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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