dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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