That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
