His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
