i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
