dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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