Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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