I just saw a hot homeless man
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
