I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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