First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
