I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
