pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
