Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
