you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
