I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
pop tarts are not kleenex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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