well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
