He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
