I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
