I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
